Friday, March 24, 2006

Wanted: Single Progressive Female to Make Babies

This is not a sleezy personal ad.

According to Phillip Longman at Progressives are not breeding enough while conservatives are pumping out young 'uns like mad. This will cause a new and even more oppressive world patriarchy. Therefore I feel that it is my duty as someone who believes in universal health care, social & economic justice and grassroots democracy to spawn...NOW!

While it would probably be prudent to go about this the old fashioned way - meet someone, proceed with some kind of courtship ritual, a commitment ceremony, then get to the baby making - two things make me feel that there isn't time for that. First is the state of the world today. We need progressive voters and we need them fast. Second, if you ask my Mother, I'm not getting any younger and I'd better get moving. Until now, I always thought she was doing what all Mothers do, but now I realize that she's just trying to stop the wingnuts who are trying to take over the world. Isn't it weird how our mothers are always right.

Now this isn't just the narcissistic ramblings of a lonely guy. (Notice I said "just") I'm calling for all progressives to start the baby-making machine. Gays & Lesbians, get to work on finding donors & surrogates. This is serious business. If you're a progressive who has kids, you'll just have to make more. Your family has to become The Left-Wing Waltons.

And for crying out loud, will some fertile woman jump on Russ Feingold!

Now, there are some Greens doing their part. Congratulations to Norah & Mark on the birth of the newest Green, Samuel. I know it's your first child and you're both probably a bit overwhelmed, but as soon as your able, get going on baby number two. It's your duty.

So, to conclude:

SPM, 39, looking for SPF to make little progressive babies. Must understand the inherent oppressiveness of the de facto two-party system, believe that public funding of political campaigns is the savior of democracy and like long walks on the beach. Non-smokers, please. All interested women, contact the Green Party of Monroe County.


Kathleen Callon said...

This is funny. If I were single, I'd seriously consider volunteering, but since I love my hubby, for now I'll abstain.

Anyway, Incidentaly, This week was the anniversary of PHenry's speech. I'll go on that limb with you. I was raised Rep, tried Dem, but am disgusted with both parties right now. Russ is the only Senator I admire.

If you want Senator Feingold to run for President in 2008, please, come over to and sign the petition.

Thanks for your time, and have a great weekend.

Connie said...

David, I am glad to see you are actively seeking a mate. However, politics should not be the only criteria. This person should have other qualities such as a sense of humor (she will need it in this family). Love, Mom

Kenny Coniglio said...

Never realized you were that old Treehugger. Good luck. Maybe you should try!!! See you on the field.

Dave Atias said...

That's just great. A married woman, my Mother and a buddy I play baseball with. Ain't no babies getting made here.

And I may be 39, but I have the arm of a 72-year-old. So overall I'm doing pretty well, thank you.